Since January of 2010 I have been praying for a job, and praying. Then praying and waiting and praying and waiting and trusting. Then praying, waiting, trusting, not trusting....
Not gonna lie, I had been very discouraged for weeks! Though I knoew that the Lord loves me and wants the best for me and that His timing is perfect, for some reason I thought I had room to complain or doubt.
Here is in exerpt from an email I sent to some friends earlier this summer....
I am asking for you guys to continue to pray for me. I don't have to be anxious for anything since philippians 4:5-7 is very clear: Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
See, no need to be anxious, but I still am sometimes!
I have to remember to be thankful for all the things i have been doing while i haven't been working(since it's summer time and east high is out). Like being with my beautiful son all day long. That's the desire of my heart and it's a privilege to serve him and love him. I get to play outside, go to the beach, color, paint, make paper airplanes, go on prayer walks, get wet outside, get muddy after, make forts, be a super hero, eat popsicles, eat tropical sno, cook, clean, train, cuddle, talk, teach... etc. It's crazy how while I am writing this to you i'm crying. I LOVE my life. And I am so thankful for this opporunity to stay home with Noah.
I cry cuz I am so thankful and because I am sad that days with him will end and I need to get out there and work! Don't get me wrong, I love to work but it's just harder when you leave your biggest blessing to do so.
It's also been great to meet with people and serve them and love them and meet needs during the day with Noah! I have been with God's grace trying to make the best outa of everything opportunity!
But the reality is that I can't stay home and I need a full time job to provide. Sometimes I get into lil funks when I start feeling sorry for myself and start viewing my self like Satan wants me to, an unemployed single mom that can't provide for her child. I know it's a lie but I still believe it and feel bad if I enjoy my time with Noah. Then I get bitter towards the Lord that for some reason it's his fault i don't have a job or I did something to not be blessed with one. Or to not get used to it so it's not harder when I do get back to work. Sorry for the honesty but need you all to know where I am at. It takes a lot to beat my flesh every morning and to consider it pure joy when I face trails of many kinds. I have to pray before I get outa bed and set things straight- - I have been diligently working to find a job because I know that funds are very low and need to provide. I have a great son to spend the day with and a purpose that the Lord has set before me that is greater than anything and i shouldn't feel guilty to enjoy life. TIme with my son, people, and family. The truth really does set you free.
So I have been applying like crazy and nothing has been biting. I am pretty sure my resume has hit every insurance company in the greater Des Moines area. haha! not funny- still cryin!...
Thanks for taking the time to read that.
I had diligently been looking for job for what seemed forever and through those months I really learned alot from the lord, it would take a whole lifetime to right about. ( Who knows, I just might)
So I will narrow it down to my top 3:
1. Trusting in Him isn't just saying that you trust Him
2. Being broken isn't wrong, that's when we see God's grace and faithfullness
3. I CAN'T START LIVING UNTIL I DIE. Meaning, putting to death my plans and what I think would be outstanding and living for His.
I prayed specifically that
I would find a job that....
1. I would be used at for his Kingdom and to bring ppl to know Him
2. Full Time
4. I would by his grace be qualified for
I recieved an email reponse from HOANPC@aol.com. To my dismay I GOT AN INTERVIEW!!! Wait a sec, I had email them my resume MONTHS AGO, i thought to my self. I quickly refreshed my memory and realized it was a Law Firm. I quickly got discouraged because I thought I was for sure not going to get the Job. No eperience, no College Degree.... etc. Totally thought just another job I wasn't going to get.
I went to the interview that next day (a friday) and it went great! They didn't care that I had no legal experience and that I didn't have a college degree. They prefferred it, but they said that I seemed "teachable" just from the 20 minute interview. Richard interviewd me and was super excited about the idea of hiring me but couldn't do anything until he spoke with his partner Ron that wasn't in the office until Monday. So that meant waiting more.... it was okay, I have become a pro at waiting. I say that humbly, of course. :)
I waited all day monday. ALL DAY. Nothing. No email, not phone call. By 5 pm I hadn't heard anything and I thought they were long gone from the office already and that I didn't get it. I was leaving to go to the park with my son before bible study when..... ring! My phone rings! yes, yes in deed, I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I held in my excitment and told them that I would let them know if I excepted the offer in the Morning.
WHAT? Why didn't I just tell them yes right away?!
THIS IS WHY-
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
So BELIEVING that, I sought counsel. Even though I had waited since January for an opportunity like this doesn't mean I was desperate. I know the Lord, he's the reason I am not desperate.
I was advised from praying and from ppl that Love and Fear the Lord to go ahead and take it even though...
It was exaclty that I was praying for!
1. Not Full time
2. No Benefits
3. I was not "qualifed"
Just because it wasn't excalty that I was praying for didn't mean it wast right or even not from the Lord. In our own flesh even when seeking the Lord we might not know that to pray for. And, God knows what he's doing, and it's better for us if we LET him.
I TOOK THE JOB at Howes and Anderston, P.C. and started working that Wednesday! :)
THIS IS WHAT THE LORD PROVIDED FOR ME ( I didn't even pray for this much)
1. Work from 9-3 monday through Friday (Noah's school hours are from 8- 3:10)
2. Because of #1 I am able to take Noah to school and Pick him amd Olivia Hodges up from school EVERDAY! EVERYDAY EVERYDAY!!!!!!! Yes, EVERYDAY.
3. On NO SCHOOL and EARLY OUTS Noah gets to go to work with me!
4. It is in WEST DES MOINES on ashworth my my house
5. It is in WEST DES MOINES on ashworth my my Iowa Christian Academy
6. It pays just barely enought to get by...(more opporunities to Trust the Lord)
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the LORD ?'
I was talking to Meg one night (before I got this job) and she said "yvonne, for as long as you have waited, *sigh*, God has (better have) something incredible for you." Then she hugged me.
She was right, I was waiting for this incredible opportunity and I waited because I was being refined. God NEVER MISSUSES ANYTHING OR MISSES AN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE ME MORE LIKE JESUS.
I wait for you, O LORD;
you will answer, O Lord my God.